→ chapter one - beginning of the end.
*Demia Sol Parks
“Sol!”
I turned quickly and gracefully to the voice before rolling my dark brown eyes. The relentless July sun was beating down on my short stature and the long, natural curls that were clinging to the back of my neck wasn't helping me face the heat. I braced myself as I watched his tall frame come jogging towards me from the basketball court. I loved him and all but sometimes I just did not want to see him. I inhaled and stood beside my car, waiting on him to get finished so I could jump in my car and go. I tugged at the hem of my dressy blouse and looked down at my jeans and sandals.
“Sunni, what’s up?”
I gave him a blank stare at the tone of his easy going baritone voice. I couldn’t help but let my eyes rove over him. From the waves atop his head, to the light brown skin, pausing at his cloudy gray eyes, down to pouty full pink lips. As if my eyes were hands they slid down his toned, chiseled, broad chest down to where his shorts hung low on his hips. I pushed the jet black tresses out of my face before addressing him.
“Hey, Zaire. Is there anything you wanted in particular?”
Most people would pray he knew to take the hint, I on the other hand prayed that he would heed to it. I knew Zaire better than I knew myself and I knew he could be pretty annoying at times. I loved him though, I mean I had to. He supported me through everything. He was my childhood best friend and he had loved me when damn near no one else did. Even when I couldn't love myself. Now don't get me wrong, my lack of love for myself had nothing to do with low self confidence.
I was just a tad bit conceited but I had a right to be. With smooth dark chocolate skin, almond shaped captivating dark brown eyes, full pouty lips, and a head full of my own-natural at that- hair. And we hadn't started on my shape, I was a tad bit bigger than the average woman but I wore it well. All guys made sure I knew that. I don't think my stunning looks were what set me apart from the other women though. I think it was my attitude, I was snappy but I wasn't rude. I was intelligent and didn't have time for nor put up with bullshit. Which meant I was unattainable for most of them.
“Yeah, there was actually.” He said and stopped, leaning on my new charcoal gray Altima. It was nothing compared to what I was used to but it was mine. I squinted my almond shaped eyes at him, along with tossing my head back a little. It was my signal for him to go on.
“I mean..” He exhaled and I dropped my irritated act. Zaire was never nervous...never. And here he was rubbing his neck and avoiding my eyes. Something was wrong.
“Zye?”
I questioned softly and took a step forward closing the space between us. “You know you can talk to me, boy. What’s up?” I continued, placing my hand on his toned chest. My heart sped up in anticipation of his answer.
“Man... Demia...”
I knew it was serious.
He never called me Demia. And the strain on his voice was enough to tell me he was really struggling with this.
“Zaire, tell me whats going on.” I demanded, stomping my sandal-clad feet.
He laughed a little at that, as expected, before leaning in and kissing my forehead, “We gotta talk tonight. I need your help.” That was another red flag, he never admitted to needing anyone’s help.
“No, we talk now. Get in the car.” I commanded with a soft voice. He shook his head ‘no’ and started to walk away. I reached and wrapped my manicured hand around his. “Get in the damn car.” I made sure my voice was a little sharper and he chuckled a bit.
“No, I got-”
“Zaire Andrew Mathis, if you don’t get in this-” My voice had risen and before I could completely yell he exhaled and nodded. I unlocked the doors and he pulled the passenger door open and eased against the leather seats. I followed suit and started the car while he looked sullenly out the window.
I drove for fifteen minutes, finally pulling up outside his mother’s house. He looked shocked and turned back to me. I smiled at him and started speaking in a calm voice. “If you don’t tell me whats up, you will tell her. Either way, you’re getting this off your chest.”
He exhaled before shaking his head ‘no’. “I don’t wanna involve you in this shit, Sunni. I promise I don’t.”
“Too late, I’m involved.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to do this if it wasn’t important. I know that it sounds like a lot but I gotta do what I gotta do for Nia...”
I nodded and urged him to continue on, although the name dropping did nothing for me. I loved Dania, she would have been named after me had I not objected. But it seemed as if he was trying to assuage his guilty conscience. I knew whatever was going on was serious but he knew me well enough to know I never turned him down when he needed help. I never could.
“You know I got you, Zye.” I assured him softly before watching him run a hand down his caramel colored face.
“I gotta go.”
“What? Why?” My eyebrows furrowed at his uninformative statement. If he was leaving, he had better had a damn good reason and even then I probably wouldn't let him go. I couldn't. It wasn't possible.
“Look, I got caught up in some stuff, and... I need to get some money and I need to leave town.”
“What kind of stuff, Zye?”
He fell silent at the question and averted his eyes.
“Zaire?”
He still didn't respond, finding the scene out the window more interesting than my question.
My eyes bulged as I put the pieces together. Then I stiffened. “Zaire..”
“Sol, I -”
“Zaire ! I know you’re not-”
“Okay, don’t judge me. You know as well as I do that this place ain’t safe for Addy.”
I stared at him, anger flaring in me threatening to consume my being. How the hell could condemn me for doing something he was doing. He saw what had happened to me and now he wanted to go down this road? We had both chosen this road and I had faced my consequence...he was about to face his. I went to jail, he was about to get knee deep in this. I had reasoning for my choice, a damn good one too. But him wanting to get out his girlfriend out the house was not a valid answer. He could have grabbed a job at FootLocker and saved up... and make the lazy bitch get one too !
“You know what...”
I stared and didn’t care to finish. I simply started my car and got ready to pull off before his words made me throw the car back in park.
“I need your help.”
“With what?!” I screamed.
He flinched at the tone of my shrill voice and I turned my entire body to face him before folding my arms across my chest. I don't know what I was more angry about the fact that he was endangering his life or the fact that I was slowly coming to the realization that he was about to ask me to risk my life and my freedom. I was lucky the first time, getting off because they could only find “Minor involvement”, and the time I was tried I was a minor. I had grown into adulthood in jail, mentally also. I would have thought that Zaire would have learned something from me or my mistakes.
“Sunni, calm down.”
“No, I'm not gonna calm down, Zaire. You're about to ask me to risk my freedom to go help you do some bullshit ! You got yourself into this..get yourself out of it. I can't have your back on this one, Zye. I'm sorry.”
I didn't meet his eyes as I said it, I didn't want to see the flash of disappointment flared there. There had only been one time that Zaire needed me and I hadn't pulled through. And that was only because there was no way for me to escape to help him. I still regretted that to this day. I felt him reach over and touch my knee. He exhaled softly, causing me to look up at him. He didn't want to ask me to do this, I saw it in his eyes.
“Demia, I wouldn't ever ask you to put yourself in this kind of situation if it-”
“If it wasn't something you gained from.” I cut him off in a soft tone. “When I was dealing for me, it was wrong and I remember you telling me you hated that I had stooped that low. Drug Dealing was something you hated, Zye. You told me that I had to stop so you didn't think of me like you thought of those others...like scum on the bottom of your shoe. And when I was sentenced... I'll never forget the look on your face. Do you want that for Addison?”
It was an emotional time looking back on it. My best friend had damn near hated me and there wasn't anything you could do to convince me otherwise at that time. I was still having trouble grasping the concept that it was seemingly okay for him to do this, and then to ask me to involve myself in it.
“Sunni, damn. Cut me a fucking break.”
I pursed my lips after that statement and in five seconds I was back on the road, driving as fast as the speed limit would permit to the apartments silently.
“Demia..” His voice had softened and I shook my head no.
I didn't want to be apart of this.
I couldn't be apart of this.
This time Zaire was asking for too much. This time I had to tell him no.
“Demia...I need you to have my back on this.”
I bit down on my bottom lip and slowed down on the gas. I felt his hand cover my knee as I stopped at a red light, and as a reflex I looked up at him to see his sincere expression.
“Come on, you told me you would always have my back. You've always come through for me. Even when no one else would.”
His soft words were weighing on my conscience. “I know but...” I exhaled through a shaky breath. I had always said I loved him more than I loved myself. I had always told him that, said it freely. This would be the deciding factor if I meant it. The green light finally flashed above us and pressed on the gas. I was silent the rest of the time, trying to concentrate on driving and not what he asked of me.
By the time I had slowed to a stop in front of the basketball park, I finally looked over at him again. He exhaled and met my gaze head on, “I know I'm asking a lot. And I wouldn't if I didn't have to. I just I gotta get outta here..Just....think about it okay?”
A friend shouldn't ask for things like this.
A friend wouldn't want me to risk this.
A friend would have waited for me to offer help after seeing they were in trouble.
A friend wouldn't want to send me back to the place that had ripped us apart.
I knew all of that, and I knew it well. I knew he was taking advantage of our friendship and I wanted to tell him screw him and screw this. But I couldn't...
“I can't stop thinking about it, Zye.”
“I know-”
I cut him off by pulling off, I didn't know where I was driving. I was late to my interview and even if I wasn't, I wasn't in the best head space to taking an interview. It was baffling to me how Zaire apparently thought it was okay to ask me to risk everything for him. But then again it wasn't. Every time he had asked me to do something, I had done it and willingly. Everyone around him had babied him, he was spoiled. Zaire was used to people willingly putting themselves in the line of fire for him.
I exhaled softly shaking my head. I wasn't stupid and I wasn't going to start being stupid. He knew how much I longed to get out of here, how much I missed my former quality of living. How I felt this project life was beneath me ( and it was ). He was giving me a reason to go back to what I was great at. But if I wanted to start selling again it would be because I wanted to, not to help out anyone else. I had this opportunity for myself months ago. But I was scared to risk my freedom.
My eyes were now starry with dollar signs dancing around them once I thought about how much money we could bring in once I taught him the ropes. He wouldn't need much teaching, just a little instruction and then he would be a natural. The fact that he was doing this for a bigger reason would be his driving force, providing him with the determination he needed to do the job and do it efficiently.
I tried to shake my head free of the thoughts. Zaire mentioning this had me slipping back into my old persona. I couldn't go back to being that heartless, fearless, person. Back then I had no compassion for the human life unless it benefited mine. And if it wasn't about money, you were waisting my time contacting me. I hated wasted time. My opinions about money and time hadn't changed a bit. But everything else had. I was finally on the road to becoming a good person again.
I turned into a random parking lot and placed the Altima in park. I unbuckled her seat belt, leaned over and grasped the big Guess bag. I fumbled around in it for her motorola cliq and pressed two on her speed dial.
I gripped the phone tighter as I waited for the answer.
“Hey, you've reached...”
I hung up, I didn't believe in leaving messages. Exhaling I tossed to the phone back into the back that laid across the passenger seat.
Sitting back in the seat, I looked up to see a large billboard indicating that my aimless driving had driven her the rich side of side of town. It was advertising Macy's and in the picture of shoes that I identified as Louboutins instantly.
I wasn't cut out to be poor. People in my building couldn't even pronounce the French name. I effortlessly was set apart from the rest of them. Plain and simple, I was accustomed to the finer things and having everything. I had tried pretending that I was content with her simple life. But I wasn't. I missed everything about my old life. Everything.
I reached down and grabbed my phone before I had time to think about what I was doing.
“Sunni, if you're calling to cuss me out it's-”
“I'm in.”
“..okay, I know that...Wait, what?”
“I'm not gonna repeat myself, you heard me. Tonight, we'll talk.”
I hung up the phone while pulling out a small planner I kept in her purse. I jotted down a quick list of things we needed to talk about before pulling off and getting gas. After filling up my Altima I drove en route to my small, cramped apartment. For the first time since I had gotten there, a smile graced my face as I walked in. I would be living much better, much sooner if everything went as planned.
Thu Jun 18, 2015 10:33 am by 
