..{Hard Knock Life)..

2


I sat in the chair beside Darren’s hospital bed watching “The Game.” I couldn’t get the conversation that me and Darren had out of my head. I rested my head on the back of the chair and thought about what D told me.

{FLASHBACK}

“Listen to me, Di. When I tell you this, you got to promise me not to do nothing stupid.” I sat there and didn’t say anything. I just stared at him. “Come on babygirl. Promise me.”

“Ok D. I promise.” I sat there and waited for him to get himself together. It took him about 5 minutes to get everything straight.

“Monday when I came home from school, I walked in the house quietly. Something didn’t feel right. I closed the door as quickly and as quietly as I could. I heard some weird noises and sex sounds coming from upstairs. I ain’t gone lie, babygirl. I thought it was you and some dude from around the way.” I glared at him, but he chuckled. “Anyway I got mad and ran upstairs and stood by your door. I recognized it wasn’t coming from your room so I creeped to daddy room and peeped in. What I saw made me throw up in my mouth a little bit. Diamond, daddy was in the bed with your ex boy toy, Jakeel. They were going at it like rabbits. I ran from the room door and out of the house. I just kept running until it was hard for me to breathe.

That’s the day I went to the center with mama. It was after 2:30 pm when I made it. Mama was in the bed watching soap operas. When I came in, her eyes didn’t move off the TV., but she still knew it was me. I told her everything that I saw. She told me that she already knew. Think about it, Di. Mama is sick in the hospital with AIDS. She ain’t never tell nobody about this until now. Daddy pushed her down the stairs because she said she was going to tell me and you that our daddy was gay. She can’t walk no more because of our dumb ass daddy!! But anyway after about 2 hours I went back home and daddy was sitting on the couch chewing that stanky tobacco. I walked in and ain’t say a word to him. You was at work I guess, so I went to get in the shower. Next thing I know, daddy comes in to take a piss. When he was done, he pulled back the shower curtain and tried to climb in. I punched him and told him to get the fuck out. The last thing I said was to go fuck Jakeel. He looked at me, eyes as wide as saucers, and said, ‘I will kill you, you little bastard.’ After he said that, he got up and walked out. The next day when we were moving out I saw Jakeel in the alley. He looked at me, smiled that evil smile, aimed at me, and pulled the trigger.”

{END FLASHBACK}

I opened my eyes and saw D looking at me.

“Don’t keep thinking about it Di. I got a plan. When I leave from out of here everything gone be okay.” It's funny how he knew I was thinking about what he told me.

“Okay. Ima keep your word on that. How are you feeling?”

“Sleepy. Dr. Madison gave me some kind of pills.”

I got up and kissed him on the four head. “Well go to sleep then. Ima go talk to Doc, then ima go and see if I can go to the shelter for some old furniture.”

“Ok. Don’t be gone too long. I love you.”

“I love you more.”
I walked out of the room and down the hall to Dr. Madison’s office. I lightly tapped on the door. His deep voice welcomed me in the office. “Good morning, Ms. Reed. How are you this morning?”

“I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”

“Good. So, what brings you down here?”

"Well doc, I came down here to ask about the price of my brother's bill. Do you have everything calculated?"

“Yes, Ms. Reed, I do. I’m not sure if you really are ready for this price.”

“Just tell me. I can handle it.”

“Ok. The total so far is $15,000. The insurance has agreed to pay $10,000. So—“

I jumped up and yelled, “I HAVE TO PAY 5 G's? WhHERE THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THAT TYPE OF MONEY??

“I need you to calm down Ms. Reed. I can help you if you want to be helped.”

My phone started ringing. It was the landlord of the apartment me and Darren is renting. She told me that she found some furniture for us. I was so happy! Tears of joy rushed down my cheeks. Dr. Madison rushed to my side and started rubbing my shoulders and neck VERY inappropriately. I got a weird feeling so I went to the “Voice Record” application on my old Nokia phone and pressed record.
“So back to what I was saying. Ms. Reed, I will pay the rest of the dues if you do something for me.”

“What is that, Doc?”

”If you can give me a sample of your head game everything would be ok.”

“Dr. Madison that’s not appropriate.” Is this nigga serious?

“It doesn’t matter. I just want to help you out sweetie. It’s just innocent oral sex.” Innocent? I think not. But it is what it is.

I put my head down and thought about it. I slowly got up and faced him. As I started to unbuckle his pants, I imagined he was my dream man. I squatted low until I was on my knees looking straight at his private part. It’s not that big or wide so I guess it won’t hurt. But just the thought of me degrading myself like this made my eyes well up with tears. I wrapped my lips around his shaft and went to work on him like my life depended on it. Bad thing about it is—my life did depend on it.

Even more tears ran down my face as he gripped the back of my head and started groaning. I quickened up the pace so that he could hurry up and cum. He lost total control and came right and my mouth.

He pulled out and gave me a baby wipe to clean my mouth with. As I did that he went around to the back of his desk with a big chucky cheese smile on. He started typing on his computer. I took this as my chance to stop the “Voice Record” application on my phone. When I was done, he was finished typing and now the printer was printing something out. He signed his name on a document and reached it to me. It was the receipt for Darren’s bill.

“Thank you so much, Dr. Madison. This means so much to me.,” I said with joy, but frowned when I tasted his sperm.

“No sweetie, thank you. The pleasure was all mine. Feel free to come back anytime and I do mean anytime.”

I got up and rolled my eyes at his nasty remark. I practically ran to the elevator to get to the 5th floor where Darren is located.

When I stepped off the elevator, I power walked to Darren’s room. When I opened the door I started to panic. Doctor’s and nurse’s were crowded around his bed trying to resuscitate him. Every machine in the hospital was going off. First thought that came to my head is that Darren is dead. I let out a scream so loud that I could be heard all the way down the hall. One nurse tried to grab me and comfort me, but I wasn’t trying to hear her shit. I pushed her down and all of a sudden my whole world went black.

3


Diamond kissed me on the four head and left the room. I started dozing off, but the phone started ringing.

“Hello?” I said into the phone. The voice on the other end scared the daylights out of me.

“Son, how are ya?”


“I’m doing ok, but what the fuck you want man?”

“Aw, is that the way you talk to your father?”

“You ain’t my daddy man! You a fucking fag!”

“Yes. Why yes I am. You should be expecting a visitor in 5-4-3-2. Love you, son, always remember that.” He hung up the phone and my room door opened.

It’s Jakeel. Man, this some messed up shit.

He said, “Hey Dirty D. What’s good little man?” I ain’t say nothing. I was froze. He walked up beside my bed and rubbed me on my thigh.


“Jakeel move your fucking hand man! I ain’t a fucking fag!”

“Oh, yea?”

“Fucking right!”

“Well how about you die instead?” I gave him the meanest mug I could. He walked up even closer and stood over my face. He touched me underneath my chin and tried to trace his fingers over my lips, but I bit him as hard as I could. He got mad and punched me in my face.

My nose started bleeding. It got hard for me to breathe. He opened my mouth and threw four pills down my throat and poured some kind of green liquid after the pills.

My chest started to tighten up and my eyesight got real blurry. I started gasping for air. He laughed and ran out. I tried to scream or make some kind of noise, but nothing would come out. I started thinking about Diamond and how she would miss me if I died. The last thing I remember is pressing the call button so the nurses could come to me.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________



When I finally woke up I was laying down in a hospital bed beside my Dirty D. He was lighter than his usual caramel complexion. He looked dead. I started to cry. The bed I’m in is so close to his bed, so I reached out and grabbed his hand. I rubbed it gently. His hand was freezing! I decided to call for a nurse or doctor.

About three minutes later, in walked Dr. Madison and a blonde nurse. Dr. Madison looked at me and winked.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Reed,” he said. I managed a wave. I waved at the blonde lady, too. She smiled back.
Dr. Madison said, “You fainted, Ms. Reed. You have been stressed out and haven’t eaten anything in the past few days. We have to keep you here under our supervision. We started to put you and Darren in separate rooms, but the farther apart we moved you away from Darren, the less he could breathe. But now that you are by his side, he’s breathing just fine.” He smiled.

“This is your nurse. Her name is Nurse Lillian Moore. She will be looking at you very closely.”

I didn’t even pay attention to what Dr. Madison was saying. I looked over at Darren and smiled. My hand was still rubbing his. I squeezed it a little bit and started to cry. He squeezed my hand back and his heart rate on the monitor increased.

The doctors looked at the monitors and back to us. They had a genuine smile on their faces. “He’s waking up,” I said.
I rubbed his hand and squeezed simultaneously. He squeezed my hand back and his heart rate kept increasing. I sat up in my bed and caressed his face. Tears ran down my face as he started to move his legs and arms. I reached up and kissed him on the four head. His eyes opened and looked right at me. He started to cry. He tried to sit up in the bed, but he couldn’t. He reached his arms up for a hug. I nearly squeezed him to death! As we embraced I heard Doc and Nurse Moore talking.

Nurse Moore came around to my side of the bed and Doc went around to D’s bed. They waited patiently until we finished hugging. As I lay back down in my bed, Nurse Moore started talking to me. She checked my blood pressure and fed me some vitamins. Doc gave D a pen and paper to write what he was feeling.

When Doc and Nurse Moore left the room, Darren started writing on the paper. When he finished, he gave it to me. My eyes started to well up, but I refused to cry. I can’t believe this. Jakeel has really taken this shit to the extreme. I can’t wait until Darren gets better. Some serious shit is gone go down.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________



3 days passed and Darren was doing very well. He could talk, walk, and eat by himself. Today is the last day for him to be in the hospital. As we packed to leave, Dr. Madison walked in the room. He came straight over to me and said don’t worry about the bill he got it taken care of. I smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. After that, he walked out of the room.

The taxi dropped me and D off at our new apartment. The furniture that the landlord found for us is in really good shape. Darren sat on the couch and turned the tv on. I went straight into the kitchen to get us some cold drinks. We sat up and watched scary movies all night long.

The next day I went to work at the library. To say I’m a librarian, I’m getting paid higher than minimum wage. I love this job and plus I get to read books for free. On this particular day, the library was full. I was extra busy. When I finished checking out a little girl, I sat down. Dr. Madison showed up and smiled at me. I didn’t smile back. Instead I said, “Hi. How may I help you?”

“Oh, don’t act like that Diamond. I’m here for you. When is your break?”

“How do you even know where I work?

“Don’t worry about all that. When is your break?”

“In 10 minutes.”

“Ok. I will be waiting outside in my car. And I’m not taking no for an answer.” I didn’t even get a chance to protest.

Looks like it’s time to get the ‘Voice Record’ app. ready.