{*}Underneath All the Make-Up{*} A Novel... (+ 11/1/10)

Chapter 3



All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be

I got home and hopped into the shower after playing my Beyonce 'I am Sasha Fierce' alvum to the maximum volume. I scrubbed my body down as I always did. Making sure my body was lathered up with soap. As I reached my legs I flashed back to the days in the hood in Chicago; The days when my step-dad would lock my mum up and rape me while she screamed. No one ever paid attention to her as she yelled for help. He would grab me and force me to undress while he masturbated and then he would rape me for as long as he wished. He finally stopped when my birth father decided to show up after abandoning me for 14 years. He left when I was 2 and took my older brother Marcus with him. It turned out that a friend of mine knew Marcus and told him what I was going through. He in turn went to my father and told him that something had to be done. My step-mother agreed that I should live with them and my mum should get help.

It feels like it was yesterday. On that Friday afternoon when I walked in the house I saw my mum lying on the floor with blood around her head. I screamed loudly and was trying to call the police but my step-father hit me and I fell on the floor next to my mum’s body. He raped me repeatedly until I heard a gunshot. He collapsed on me and I screamed some more. A man I didn’t even know was my father pulled me from underneath him and hugged me tightly. He cried so much and begged me to forgive him for having left me all those years. I cried too when I realized he was my dad. Marcus stood at the doorway and I recognized him as my brother. I ran to him and held on as my dad called the police. They didn’t arrest my dad as it was self-defence in their eyes and everyone said so; even people who hadn’t even seen. My mum was given a decent burial and my step-mum held me during the entire time. in her will she had left all to me and we were shocked to learn that she had a secret amount of money she had kept for me to go to college in a bank account no one knew about.

After the funeral my dad and step-mum asked me to come live with them and I agreed. We boarded a plane and left Chicago for Los Angeles where we still leave today. Every year we go to my mum’s grave though and put flowers. It was in remembrance of my mum that I entered American Idol and when I won I dedicated my victory to her. My first album was also dedicated to her. I even had a song I wrote with Ne-Yo just for her. Up till today I had never talked about it but with the girls I felt so comfortable and now I felt a load had been lifted off my chest. The only problem is I was terrified of physical contact with men; but the girls had promised to help me overcome that. Kamaria said I should come see her and have some sessions so I could overcome my fear of men.

My phone rang and it was Marcus.
‘Hey sis...’
‘Hey what’s up?’ I put him on speaker as I got dressed in some tight Babyphat Capri’s and a gold halter neck top. I stepped into my gold Pradas and admired myself in the mirrors.
‘You going out tonight?’
‘Yeah with some friends...To this new club...urm...Thugz Mansion or something like that’
‘Word? I’m going there as well!’
‘Goodie!! We can meet up then...I’ll introduce you to my new friends’
‘Ayt...see you there baby girl’
‘Love you’
‘Love you too’

I hung up and continued to apply my make-up until I was satisfied. ‘You look stunning girlfriend’ I grabbed my keys and headed to meet Rachelle and Kay. We would meet Rachel and Janae at the club. Natasha was stuck babysitting her baby brother tonight and she would join us if her mum and dad got back from their dinner date early. Her boyfriend Sammie would be with her though so I don’t think she will be coming. I chuckled at the thought.



We stepped out of Lisa’s Aston Martin to see Rachel and Janae waiting for us. They looked just as good as we did. Heads turned in our direction as we bypassed the line was allowed in after Lisa talked with the bouncers.
‘Let’s head up to VIP the crowd is to wild down here...might step on our shoes’
Giggling we made our way up the stairs. Once we reached the bouncer he let us in and Lisa waved to a guy. My eyes snapped in his direction as he began to walk towards us. I hoped to God it wasn’t her man because nigger looked too fine.
‘Guys this is my big bro I was telling y’all about’ I breathed a sigh of relief.
‘Hey Marcus...nice to meet you’ we all uttered as one, but when he shook my hand our eyes lingered on each other for a while and he licked his lips a little.
‘Ok you two...enough...let’s go have a seat over there with Marcus and his boys’
We followed Lisa to some other guys. I noticed her blushing as she said hi to one called Trey or something like that. I pulled her to the side.
‘Why you blushing?’
‘Because I have a crush on him!’
‘Oh’ I laughed and pulled Rachel who was closest to us.
‘Lisa likes Trey...I think we need to do something about that tonight’
‘Guys no! I don’t think he likes me like that’
‘What he gay?’
‘NO...’
‘Well good...no guy can resist you looking like that...now go talk to him...ask him to dance’
‘Yeah Rache is right...take small steps and do what you feel at ease doing’
‘Ok...I’ll try...I don’t promise but I’ll try’
‘Good girl...now I need to find me a man...and oops...there he go’ we laughed as she walked off towards the bar and some guy.
‘Where she going?’ Kay looked in her direction
‘Man eater’
‘Guys something you need to know about Rach’ we all turned to her eager to know what’s up, ‘she tends to use man now...she believes they all are jerks...hasn’t had a stable relationship since her baby died. We have to make sure she’s ok. Keep an eye on her. The papers don’t need any more stories about her sleeping around. She is no Britney or Lindsay.’
We agreed to look out for her. ‘Now Janae and Kay...it’s time to mingle and find that someone’ I reminded them of the plan for Tyrese. They looked at each other and laughed. ‘I see one over there...anybody know who he is?’
‘That’s my boy Laython’ replied Marcus. We hadn’t noticed he was standing behind me. ‘How about a dance Rachelle?’ I smiled sexily. How could I resist this chocolate man. He took my hand and in no time we were moving to the beat. I cast an eye to Kamaria and she was talking to Laython. They were smiling so things must be good. Looking over to Rachel I saw her standing next to a guy with a drink in her hand. She waved at me and I waved back. The guy leaned closer to her and must have said something funny because she giggled like a silly school girl. Janae was also looking at her and she gave her the thumbs up sign as she scanned the room for a victim. Lisa sat next to her with Trey on her other side.

Chapter 6



The first thing I noticed was Lisa with her head hanging low. Something was wrong. She told us about Trey when she sat down and all we had were words of encouragement.
‘You know...I’ll bring my man and put him next to you so you get used to it’
‘Thanks Tasha but that won’t do’
‘That’s funny...but hey within a few weeks our girl will be cured! I’ll make sure of it’ said Kamaria
‘Good...now we’ve ordered cocktails for you already...Rachel may not make it. She’s on a date with Trevor Ariza’
‘Oh no...I hope it goes well. I have a session with her tomorrow’

Our cocktails arrived and I sipped on my Pinacolada while looking out the window. I saw a car pull up and out stepped the guy I had seen at the club last night. He looked super fine.
‘Janae...hello?’ Lisa was trying to get my attention by waving her arms in front of me.
‘Oh sorry...what is it?’
‘Will you come on set with me tomorrow for my movie?’
‘Urm...let’s see...do I have any apps...don’t think so...so yes...I’ll come’
‘Goodie...I’ll introduce you to Pooch’
‘Who?’
‘Quit acting like you wasn’t looking at him!’ She playfully hit my arm and I laughed with the rest of the girls. Already they could see right through me.

‘So Janae how does it feel to be Tyrese free?’
‘Good...I mean I’m sad obviously cuz papi could lay it down...but hey...I need to move on. It’s funny how all men play me though’
‘Really? I used to get that until I met Sammie’
‘Lucky you Nat...is that why you didn’t come yesterday?’
She giggled a bit nodded. ‘We had other plans just us two. It was a 3 year anniversary’
‘3 YEARS?’ We were all shocked at the length of time they been together
‘Well we need to drink to that’

I noticed Pooch walk in alone and he looked in our direction and began to walk towards us.
‘Lisa be cool’ she burst out laughing and so did the girls. I threw them all a dirty look and they tried to put on a straight face.
‘Hey Lisa...we still on for tomorrow?’
‘Oh yeah Pooch...meet Janae...she’ll be the make-up artist. She is the best’
‘Hi Janae’ he shook my hand and I felt like putty in his hands.
‘Hi...nice to meet you’
‘Ok...so Lisa see you tomorrow’ he walked away and then stopped, turned around and looked at me, ‘and you too Janae’
I blushed to the roots of my hair. It felt like high school all over again.
‘He is too fine!’



I was happy to see Janae had eyes for another man already. But then again she had only been with Tyrese for 6 months, it had been 2 years for me. And 2 years is hard to let go of.
‘You ok Kay?’ asked Rachelle
‘Yeah I’m alright’
‘So tell us about Laython?’ Janae smiled evilly at me
‘He is alright...I’m not interested though. Didn’t even take his number’
‘What? He looked super fine though’
‘Maybe’
The girls looked at each other and shrugged. They knew I was still depressed over Tyrese. I thought of Rachel. She always knew what to do when I was down. I sighed wondering how she was doing.

‘Hello girls!’ we all turned around and saw Rachel walk in with Trevor by her side. They made a cute couple and we smiled.
‘Hey you...thought you wouldn’t make it’
‘Well here I am...now what’s up?’
We laughed at she pulled up a chair and pulled one for Trevor too. ‘This is Trevor by the way and these are my girls’
‘Hi y’all...’ he greeted us and the turned to Rachel, ‘hey I can’t stay long...I have a game tonight’
She pouted a little bit. I could tell she was feeling this guy. ‘Really?’
‘You know I do! You’ve been teasing me about it all through lunch’
‘Ok...well call me when you’re done’
‘Even better...here are a couple of tickets...come watch me play’ he handed her some tickets and she giggled like a baby given chocolate.
‘Oh youpee...girls what do you say? NBA tonight?’
‘Oh yeah!’ Rachelle and Janae were all for it and Lisa and Natasha hi-fived each other. I stayed quite. Tyrese was a Lakers fan and Rachel knew it as she eyed me closely. ‘Ok my girl there need to spend some money...so ok Trevor...I’ll see you at the game...the rest of you...Let’s go shopping’
‘YAY! I LOVE TO SHOP’ Natasha was first out the restaurant and Janae took my hand pulling me out.
‘Girl stop it...RIGHT NOW...that guy made you waste your time...2 years you can never get back...but you know what...YOU ARE STILL ALIVE! And you are beautiful...fuck that guy...you have the rest of your life to live. It’s his loss’
I nodded as we linked arms and walked to the mall opposite the restaurant. Rachel was walking Trevor to his Charger and we waited for her.
‘Look at her...she in love or what?’
‘I just hope it works...apart from us girls she needs a man she can trust and one who won’t hurt her. if you girls come to her place you’ll see pictures of her baby everywhere. She cries every time she is alone in that house. There has to be someone who can make her forget the pain and make her happy’ I really wanted the girls to understand Rachel because her condition was complicated.
As Trevor got into his ride we all gasped as we watched him pull Rachel by her waist towards his body. She leaned in and they kissed for quite a while.
‘Wow...awww...so sweet’ she waved goodbye as she walked towards us with a big smile on her face.
‘You kissed him?’ I was in shock
‘Yes...we’ve already had a first date so can’t we kiss?’
She linked her arms with me and Rachelle as we crossed the roads and entered the mall.
‘Ok...girls Kay likes to shop when she is down...so we gonna shop for the sexiest freak em dress we can find for y’all to accompany me to my launch tomorrow’
We screamed with joy at the good news. ‘So y’all coming right?’ she laughed at us as she entered a shoe shop.
‘Ok Rachel...and we can get something for the game too’
I began to smile as I realized all these girls wanted to spent time just to make me feel good. They weren’t being selfish and thinking of themselves, for once people were thinking of me.
‘Shall we start ladies?’

Chapter 7



While shopping I found myself looking for outfit that would turn Trey’s head. We were in a Victoria Beckham store and I found a white dress which hugged my hips and covered my breasts leaving my back bare.
‘Your butt looks delicious in that’ Janae eyed me as I did a 360 for the girls.
‘Yep...Trey would get a hard-on just by looking at you!’
We all had bought some sexy dresses as we decided that Janae would do our make-up and we should meet at Rachel’s house for Saturday. Tonight we would each take some time out and relax at home. Besides our feet were killing us in these heels.

‘So Rachel what you gon do after the game?’ I smiled cheekily at her as she raised her eyebrows at me. We were in a store that sold sport clothing and she held a Trevor Aria Lakers Jersey to her chest and Janae took out her camera phone and snapped a picture as she posed.
‘I don’t know...maybe dinner’
‘That’s sweet...I’m happy that you’ve met someone you like’ Kamaria laughed at her posing as she held a Kobe Bryant jersey.
‘Hey Lisa...look it’s Trey! And he is alone...go talk to him’ Natasha pointed in his direction
‘What? No way’
To my dismay the girls pushed me out the store and closed the door. I found myself staring into Trey’s eyes.
‘Hey Lisa...’
‘Hi Trey...’ I looked around nervously
‘Your girls lock you out?’
‘Yeah...something like that’
‘Well...sit with me a while...I’m waiting for your brother anyway’
We walked towards a bench and sat down. ‘So what you doing tonight? Party again?’
‘No...Tomorrow I have a movie to go shoot so I’m having an early night after going to the game tonight’
‘Lakers v/s Cavs?’
‘Yes...’
‘Cool...I’ll be there...need a ride?’
‘Urm...yeah ok’
‘That’s good...I’ll meet you at 6 and we can grab something to eat first’
I smiled. How lucky could I get? Trey wanted to take me out...well to the game but still! And even better I found myself not to be afraid when his arm brushed against mine.
‘Hey what you doing with my sister?’ Marcus appeared and I blushed some more.
‘Man she over 21...why you tripping?’ they stood up and hugged each other.
‘I gotta go you two. Trey see you at 6’
‘Where you going at 6?’
‘His place’ Trey and I laughed as his eyes looked like they about to pop out. I walked away letting Trey explain.

‘Girls...he is coming to pick me up 6!!’
We jumped up and down as I screamed loudly. ‘Good...now go home...it’s 3...relax and have a nice warm bath. We’ll see at the game. Here are 2 tickets’
I grabbed the tickets and practically ran back to my car to go home. I wanted to look good tonight.

Chapter 8



Diamonds used to be coal
Look young cause they got soul
That's why they're beautiful
And my heart used to be cold
'Til your hands laid on my soul
Baby, that's why you're beautiful
Somebody's got to stay deep in love
That could be us..

We arrived at the game in separate rides but walked in together. As we took our seats behind the Lakers bench Trevor turned towards me and blew me a kiss. I blew one straight back and removed my jacket to reveal a yellow Lakers T-shirt that Natasha had modified and had his number on it. He smiled and gave me the thumbs up sign. I saw him point towards me as he talked to Kobe and Andrew. They waved at me and I waved back.
‘Aww..he telling his boys about his new girl’
‘Shut it’
We got some drinks and popcorn just as the boys stopped warming up and made their way to their sits. Trevor sat right in front of me and he turned around so I could give him a good-luck kiss.
‘If you suck tonight man...you got no one to blame but your damn self’ the guys were teasing him and I blushed as the girls laughed at me. I enjoyed spending time with Trevor and tonight seemed like fun. For once I was at a game with my best friends and they were real friends. I saw Natasha leaning on Sammie and I smiled. It must be nice to be in love.
‘Don’t worry, one day you’ll find it too’
‘I hope so Kay...I really want to move on. After Dwight I just feel so empty and my little Kwame...I miss holding him so much’
‘Don’t worry...we are going to go through this together’
‘Thank you Janae...on Monday it’s 2 years since he died...I hope I can make it through that day’
Lisa held my hand. ‘Together we will...we gon cancel all for you that day. Promise’
‘I love you girls so much’
‘Now let’s enjoy this Friday night basketball’

We turned our attention to the game. Lakers took the lead with an opening shot from Kobe. We cheered our team on as they scored basket after basket. By the end of the first half they were leading my 10 points. Lisa sat behind me with Trey and they were looking at each other more than the game. ‘Those 2 are so cute’
Janae turned around a smiled. ‘Yeah...look at her...but you know what, just before we saw him at the mall he was with another’
‘Yeah me and Lisa saw her...so we gotta make sure she stay grounded’ I nodded at Kay just as the 3rd quarter started. Trevor was firing shots and Lakers upped their lead; but in the 4th quarter the Cavs caught up and with 10 seconds left we were behind by 2 points. Kobe had the ball as we all screamed for him to shoot but Lebron would not back off him. He passed the ball to Trevor who was wide open. He faked a shot and shook off his defender to his fans delight. He took a step back behind the 3 point line and took a shot just as the buzzer sounded. It went in! Lakers won by a point and the guys all surrounded him pining him to the ground. When he got up he ran to where we standing and pointed to me. I blushed to the roots of my hair as I cheered him on.

‘Hey we’ll call you tomorrow Rachel. Have fun and behave’
I stood next to Trevor’s car as I the girls waved goodbye to me. Lisa and Janae would be going to the movie set tomorrow and Kamaria had to go pick up her mum at the airport. Natasha was going out of state with Sammie. Rachelle was going to the dance studio where she teaches young girls hip hop. As for me I would be getting ready for my fashion line launching. All the girls were gonna be there except Natasha and I scolded her for it but Sammie had pulled me to the side and asked that I don’t be angry but he was planning a surprise for her.
‘Hey beautiful!’
Trevor approached me and I felt my heart beat a bit faster. ‘Hey you...nice game’
‘Hey Trevor...take care of our girl’ the girls stood behind me and waved goodbye as I got into the car and we were off. My phone beeped and I read the text message.
Rache don’t be afraid to let go of Kwame. He won’t hate you for it! He wants you to move on and be happy. Trevor seems so nice. We’re all behind you on this one. We are your safety net! Love you
I smiled as I looked over at Trevor as he drove to his place. We were going to cook dinner together. I hadn’t told him about Kwame yet nor Dwight. I would tell him tonight at dinner
‘So how you feeling?’
‘Good...can’t wait to eat though...I’m hungry’

We pulled up and I climbed out of the car. Holding hands we walked up to the front door and we went straight to the kitchen.
‘Take out everything you need...I’m going to change into something comfortable’
‘Ok’
I busied myself in the kitchen looking for ingredients for a Spaghetti Carbonarra. He came back down in a few minutes in some basketball shorts and a t-shirt just as put the spaghetti to boil to soften it up a bit. As I worked on the cream he hugged me from behind and kissed my neck. I put my finger in the cream and placed it in his mouth for him to taste.
‘Delicious’ we worked some more until the food was cooked and sat down for dinner with a chilled bottle of wine.
‘How was it?’
‘Good...you should cook for me more often’
‘Haha...fat chance!’

I got up and cleared the table and we washed the dishes before sitting outside on back porch under the stars. I lay my head on his shoulder and he had his arms around me. I felt good. ‘Hey Trevor...I’m gonna tell you something only my best friends know’
‘Ok what is it’ I sat up to face him and he caressed my face and removed stray strands of hair from my face.
‘Well...ok you know I’m 24...like you...but when I was 21 in my last year of college and I had just started out modelling, I met a guy and fell in love. We stayed together for 2 years and I fell pregnant’
‘Is that it?’ he smiled down at me.
‘I wish’ my eyes began to water and he wiped away the tears, ‘I gave birth to a baby boy...he lived only for a year’ I broke down in his eyes and he held me tightly.
‘It’s ok baby...please don’t cry’
‘I know...it’s just so hard...urm...anyway...his name was Kwame...his father was Dwight Howard’
‘THE Dwight? Superman Dwight?’
I laughed at him and nodded. ‘Yes...after Kwame died we broke up...I blamed him for everything...I cried and I still cry everyday in the house when I’m alone. I have Kwame’s picture everywhere. It hurts so much. I know it wasn’t Dwight’s fault, but I blamed him still’
‘Wow...’
‘I know...I just needed you to know...I’m a bit unstable...Kamaria one of my best friends is also my shrink...I haven’t dated in a long time...just some random sex...I guess maybe you read that in the papers’
‘What about me?’
‘That’s it...I find myself so comfortable with you’
‘And....’
‘I wanna try and see where this goes...all my girls said to do it too...so I want to fall in love again...I want to move on and make Kwame proud of his mum’
‘Good...cuz I’m not the heart breaker type...you’re too beautiful for me to break your heart’
I jumped onto his lap and straddled him. ‘Good...’
He pulled my face towards his and we kissed our most passionate kiss yet.